Forever is an Extremely Long Time
by EDWARDorJACOB
Summary: Bella is confused and needs to look at her options. She has three. She feels she loves too many people, and decides to do something in the end that will ruin her life. Rated M for future chapter voilence and suggestions of Suicide. I do not own Twilight.
1. Chapter 1

Here I was… Wasting what I had left of my life. I am sitting in my bed, bawling like a little baby. I just can't take it anymore. The pressure and stress that has unwillingly come upon me has done just that. I feel like the whole world is crumbling around me with it.

Why am I sitting here, you ask?

One reason and one reason only.

I can't choose.

It is as simple as that, but even things that are simple can be complicated at times. There are many examples of that in the world of examples for that matter. Like the fact that all I wanted to do was reunite with my father and that turned into what is the mess making me bawl my eyes out right now.

I need to choose between friendship, love, betrayal, or nothing. I have too many options. I love too many people, and I don't have the strength to hurt one person by going along with another. I just couldn't do that.

I now have to explore the pros and cons of two people; Jacob and Edward.

I love Edward. He found me first. He proposed. I said yes. I can't believe I didn't think before I said yes. If I run away with Edward, a new hole will form. An even deeper hole than the one before it. After all that Jacob had done for me; Pieced me together when I was torn to pieces, been my sun in my times of deep depression, and going through with all he had done – I was just going to say 'Screw You' and run away with Edward.

Not going to happen.

Here's another possibility. I love Jacob, and I know it now. I've been keeping it all bottled up in my system, waiting for it to explode. I think it finally has. He loves me passionately, and I haven't given him the chance to show that he will love me forever and ever.

Forever is a really long time. If I go with Edward and be changed into a vampire, I will forever mourn the loss of Jacob, my Jacob. With all that has happened to me, they do not know how I feel.

There is only one more possibility.

Both of them go away. Both of them leave me, and see what takes form. Of all three possibilities, I think I choose this one. Sure, there will be two holes on my heart, causing me to go into a deep depression, but at least I won't be hurting anyone besides myself. I will go tomorrow to both Edward and Jacob, and tell them that I am giving up on both my true loves. I will say,

GOODBYE.


	2. Edward's House

Chapter 2

I emerged his house slowly, knowing this would be goodbye. I told myself not to cry, but I couldn't keep my natural instincts from showing.

A single teardrop formed in the corner of my eye as I walked up to Edward's house. This was a moment that I hoped I could forget in good time, but even so… I would never forget it.

I knocked on the door. The three soft knocks were small, but I knew that the Cullens could hear it with their modified hearing and all. I knew I would miss the amazing gifts each person in that family had. I had to part with them, though.

I soon heard the door creak slowly open, and braced myself with the mental image of Edward being so happy while I was in a depression that didn't show.

I opened my eyes not to see Edward, but Jasper. I knew he could feel my depression, because he had a worried look on his face. Behind him were Alice and Rosalie. Two of the faces I would miss when I told them I couldn't take it anymore.

"Hi Jasper. Alice, Rosalie. Is Edward here? Or did I just miss him." I asked, surprised by the missing face. I looked into the living room, but he wasn't there either.

"Oh. Do you want to talk to him? I'll go and get him for you." Alice said, looking relieved. She obviously thought something was wrong before.

"Hey. Why there is teardrop smears on your face? Have you been crying? Is there anything you want to talk about with us? We are always family, you know." Rosalie said. With that I burst into tears.

Rosalie's eyes widened as I slid my body down against the wall to form my body into a kneeling position. I put my face in my hands.

"This has something to do with Edward, doesn't it?" Jasper asked. When I nodded he didn't look surprised. He just stared at the stairs and muttered something so fast and soft that I couldn't hear it or read his lips.

I sat there crying like an idiot for a few more minutes, until suddenly Jasper and Rosalie exited the room. That is when I saw Edward come down the stairs, perfect as always. Not a single piece of hurt in his eyes. That is, until he looked at me, squatted on the ground, head in my hands, and sobbing silently.

When he saw me I saw a brush of panic in his eyes as he rushed over to me, and gave me a hug and a kiss. I knew this might be the last kiss we ever had, so I took advantage of that figure. I kissed him like never before; with a passion I never knew I had in me.

"What's wrong?" His velvety voice asked. I couldn't believe I was giving up. I had to.

"I have to tell you now… I'm leaving you. I can't be with you anymore." I then fainted.


	3. Saying Goodbye

Chapter 3

I woke up to the sounds of people whispering. About six people, to be exact. I then realized what I had been doing before I fainted, and wanted to cry. I couldn't find my tears, though. I just looked peacefully up at each face. Alice and her pixie-like figure, Rosalie with her supermodel appearance, Esme and her body full of feminine curves, Carlisle and his handsome face, and last, but defiantly not least, Edward. My Edward. The Edward that was going to be mine if I didn't go through with this wretched plan.

Looking at all of their faces, I told myself that they would be better off without me. Besides, they were fine before they met me, right? They were. I just don't want to hurt anybody.

After thinking deeply about it, I finally spoke.

"I'm sorry you guys. You don't know how confused I am right now. You also don't know how…" Say it Bella. You need to say it, "Depressed I am."

I saw many people's eyes widen at the word depression, and then regretted I said anything about it. Surprisingly, though, no one said anything.

"Here's the deal. I have to leave you guys because my feelings are confused. I love Edward and Jacob with the same intensity, and I think it is playing with my sanity." I finally finished.

"Oh…. So you are going to go with the Werewolf, then." Edward said with a brush of sadness and anger hitting his isolated eyes.

"No. I'm not going to run away with Jacob if that's what you think. I will separate myself from the both of you. I don't want to hurt anybody. With this plan, I won't hurt anyone but myself. I think I deserve to be hurt, though, because I know so much about the mythical world. The only reason I came here was to say one thing and one thing only." By now I was sobbing uncontrollably. "I came here to say goodbye forever. Goodbye."

I tried to get up, and it took me a couple of tries. Something confused me, though. When I got up, the Cullens didn't say anything to stop me from leaving the house.

When I was about three steps away from the family, I turned around, gave everyone a hug, and gave Edward a Kiss. I was still sobbing uncontrollably, and for the first time I saw that his eyes fully depicted one emotion.

Sadness.

The kiss I gave him was passionate, and he came back at me with a passion I didn't know he could control within himself. I felt safe in his arms, but knew in my heart that I had to do this. It seemed like the only option I had.

The kiss lasted for about a minute, but I finally told them I would have to go. With that, I walked out to my car, and sobbed. With my head on the steering wheel, I controlled my sobs until I could drive again.


End file.
